Sandyford

2004-03-17T14:27:00.000Z

OH, BY THE WAY...

Beannachtam na Féile Pádraig, everybody. Sláinte!

2004-03-17T13:53:00.000Z

GORD OF THE RINGS

Someone had a lot of fun making this.

Make sure you click through to the last picture — it's the most rewarding!

2004-03-15T18:38:00.000Z

RANDOM THOUGHTS/UPDATE

1. Freaky Ex is getting married. I'm not troubled by this, but I am (rather irrationally) pissed off at not being invited to the wedding. To be fair:
a) I couldn't have gone anyway as it's my sister's birthday,
b) given limited space in the registry office I can see that exes are not going to be top of the list.

I guess I feel like he's still family to me (like a slightly annoying cousin with whom I nevertheless share loads of common interests), so although I have no desire to influence his life any more I still care what goes on with it. Perhaps it's just a habit...

Anyway Freaky Ex, if you're reading this (I'm not sure if you still do), be happy, and damn well invite me to any celebratory parties you might be having!

2. My dream of a shiny Powerbook is receding further into the distant future, due to lack of funds. Dilemma: hold out for the Powerbook (either by saving or taking out a loan), or go for a cheapo Dell laptop (which I could probably afford very soon). This is further complicated by the fact that a Windows computer would be very useful for work (software issues) and I could maybe write some of it off to tax. Hmmm, more pondering and obsessive list making required, I feel...

3. Recently discovered the secret of pulling and how unexpectedly easy it is. Yet another step on the way to leaving my scared teenage self behind and progressing into the bright future. Now I just have to work out where to find the courage to sort out the other areas of my life.

4. I bought Jeff Buckley's album Grace the other day. I remember when it first came out (gulp) 10 years ago, I borrowed it off a mate and listened to it a couple of times but it didn't really make an impression on me. Now I'm asking myself HOW? It's so GOOD. This is yet another example of how me liking something is completely and capriciously dependent on mood and circumstance. I mean, back in 1994 I was totally into Radiohead and all that kind of thing, which is pretty similar. I think I was probably engaged in some kind of snobby teen know-it-all oneupmanship with my then friends, "Oh, you like Jeff Buckley? Yeah, of course Tim Buckley is much better..."

5. My new obsession. This even eclipses Depeche Mode, and that's saying something. This is so much my ideal man it's scary. I thought the combination of musical, artistic, intelligent, attractive, sarcastic, stylish didn't exist... in a straight man!
Yay! I'm going to see them on 3rd April!
Boo! He's married, middle aged, German and a complete fantasy.
Yay! There may be clones at the gig!
Boo! If they are so musical, artistic, intelligent, attractive, sarcastic, stylish, what will they see in me?!?!

2003-12-19T11:27:00.000Z

Still working on the list of the 10 albums I actually listened to most this year, but in the meantime here's a meme I stole from diablo2k:

Instructions:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.

01. I like to travel but I haven't been to many places yet.
02. I love autumn.
03. I'd like to write fiction.
04. I think vegetables are ever so yummy.
05. I like writing in colored pens.
06. I don't like the current US Administration.
07. I love where I live but I wish I owned my own place.
08. I want to learn a language, probably Italian.
09. I love wandering around anywhere really.
10. I love dancing in my bedroom on my own.
11. I want to meet Peter Jackson.
12. I want to go to New Zealand.
13. I have no interest in cycling whatsoever.
14. I don't want people to hate me.
15. Some music makes me sad.
16. I have a preference for British guitar music over American.
17. I wish I was more social.
18. I LOVE warm bath towels.
19. I'm a total geek.
20. I like getting things in the mail.
21. I buy a lot of magazines but I can stop any time... honest!
22. I'm in love with the idea of being in love but the actual prospect of it scares the shit out of me.
23. I love how stark winter trees look against the sky.
24. Some days I can't even be bothered to wash.
25. I'm obsessive about checking my email.
26. I like different kinds of music.
27. I have one sister.
28. I wear silver, not gold.
29. However, I don't really wear jewellery a lot.
30. I get stressed a lot.
31. I like being alone.
32. I like the idea of learning a martial art but I know it'll probably never happen.
33. I am more competitive than I might like.
34. I love my family.
35. I take showers and baths.
36. I have always known I was a grammar Nazi!
37. What I hate most in the world is when people can't handle what is different to themselves.
38. I am selfish.
39. I have a few friends who I am closest to.
40. I love sleeping.
41. I spend too much money.
42. I'm addicted to reading and making lists.
43. I really shouldn't spend so much time reading slash.
44. I love icy cold water and alcohol.
45. I want to leave a mark.
46. I love Missy Elliott's music.
47. My place usually looks like a bomb hit it.
48. I love the city, but I know I'll end up living in the country.
49. I used to play the piano but my ~~laziness~~ lack of talent stopped me from ever learning properly.
50. My greatest paranoia is that people find me boring (and I thinka lot of the time it is justified!)
51. I think too much.
52. I love Indian food.
53. I don't cope well with hot weather.
54. I have more than one best friend, if only because I don't know what other word to use than 'best friend'.
55. I like cooking.
56. I can't seem to get away sometimes.
57. I get jealous but I hide it quite well.
58. People very often mistake my boredom for patience.
59. I like when my friends write me letters, it makes me feel special.
60. I'm shy all the time unless I know someone well.
61. I love hugs but people seem to be scared to hug me.
62. I love kissing but ditto!
63. I'm looking forward to sleeping a lot over Christmas.
64. I am lazy.
65. I like being sarcastic.
66. I like having my hair dyed.
67. I don't like organised religion.
68. I think belief should be personal and private.
69. Sometimes I don't know why my friends like me.
70. I believe that mental health intervention can work but a lot of times it does more harm than good.
71. I dream about failing to save the world.
72. People who don't know me think I'm reserved.
73. I love reading.
74. I want a laptop.
75. I wish I was smaller.
76. Bus drivers often tell me to cheer up.
77. I like marmite and cheese sandwiches.
78. I criticise other people a lot (and it annoys them) but I'm always a lot harsher on myself.
79. On girls I like asses (because I have one!). In men I like shoulders and arms.
80. I have friends that I can't rely on.
81. I have a fetish for men in makeup.
82. I like functional clothing that is a bit different from normal.
83. I like to think I can spell and generally I'm right!
84. I don't idolise anyone, even my heroes.
85. For the first time in my life I've realised I'm actually getting older!
86. I like singing, even though my voice isn't half as good as I'd like it to be.
87. I know what I want to do but I don't know if I have the courage to do it.
88. I haven't told everyone the whole truth about a lot of things.
89. I like to be alone so sometimes I push people away, then I get lonely and wish I hadn't.
90. There are people I trust more than others.
91. I wish my imagination was as wild as it used to be.
92. I'm more of a consumer than a creator, and I wish it was the other way around.
93. I like things that make me feel emotions.
94. I really regret not working harder at university.
95. I lack motivation.
96. If I see people won't be moved I'll agree with them just to keep the peace; I'm a bit spineless like that.
97. I really need to get with the technical jargon.
98. I want to see Emma-Jane and my grandmother again but as I don't belief in an afterlife I know I never will.
99. I only indulge in sentiment when I'm feeling weak.
100. Ultimately you are the only person you can rely on to look after you.

I think it's scary how much I have in common with diablo2k... however, my common sense tells me that a lot of people would agree with a lot of the above statements!

2003-12-08T13:03:00.000Z

Prompted by all the usual music magazine seasonal polls of records of 2003, I decided like the obsessive listmaker I am to see how many I had bought and all that. I must have bought at least a hundred albums this year — at least a hundred — but only ten of them (not counting compilations and soundtracks) were actually released this year. There's so much good music from the past to catch up on that sometimes I neglect new stuff. So, here's my ten albums that I bought this year, quite a mainstream selection really:

DAVID BOWIE — REALITY
I've only listened to this once or twice — I haven't really assimilated it yet. I enjoyed it but it doesn't thrill me like his '70s albums.

THE CARDIGANS — LONG GONE BEFORE DAYLIGHT
I bought this because it was very cheap and because I have all their other albums, but I've only listened to it once and found it a bit boring. That happens a lot for me with albums, though, and I'll put them away, and then sometimes I'll stick them on again and the point of them will suddenly hit me. It just wasn't the right time for them. I hope that happens with this one because I really did like all their other stuff.

JOHNNY CASH — AMERICAN IV: THE MAN COMES AROUND
I had Johnny Cash's Folsom Prison and San Quentin albums, which at first I bought because I "should" but then they really grew on me. Then I heard this one playing in a shop and had to buy it (that doesn't happen to me a lot, but has happened twice this year — see below). It was hearing him sing Personal Jesus and In My Life which clinched it for me — two songs that have a lot of meaning for me anyway, and then to hear them in his unique voice was just amazing. And then when I saw the video for Hurt (included on the CD) it made me cry, even before he died... shortly after he died I went out and bought the other 3 "American Recordings" albums (all made in the last 10 years) which are all excellent. One of my favourite tracks (on American III: Solitary Man) is a cover of Nick Cave's The Mercy Seat which is very different from but equally as good as the original. Somehow Johnny Cash takes this great mad twisted song and turns it into a sort of heart-wrenching, oddly uplifting tale. It's almost like a different song. I like both interpretations equally depending on my mood.

THE DESERT SESSIONS 9 & 10
This is Josh Homme from QOTSA with various musical mates and was the other CD I bought after hearing in a shop. I had heard about it and intended to have a listen sometime but after hearing the brilliant PJ Harvey tracks I had to have it! I didn't realise how long it's been since PJ's last album, but supposedly she's working on a new one which is said to have a "rockier" sound than her last few. When I read this I was really pleased as, while I love all her albums and the way her sound has grown and developed, a little bit of me has always loved her straight-from-the-gut early sound the best. But then that's the angst-filled teenager in me speaking, that I despair of ever leaving behind!

MISSY ELLIOTT — THIS IS NOT A TEST
I only bought this last week and haven't listened to it all yet — just the single and a few other tracks. It doesn't seem perhaps as musically complex as her previous albums but all the tracks I've listened to so far have this amazing bass & drums sound that is so rumbly and subby that I just love.

THE KILLS — KEEP ON YOUR MEAN SIDE
I wrote about this in an earlier post so I won't say much more other than I think I bought this in some kind of "must keep up with what the kids are listening to these days" and it's a fine album but I really haven't listened to it that much.

MASSIVE ATTACK — 100TH WINDOW
Ok, this is really bad. I bought this MONTHS ago (August, I think) and I haven't listened to it AT ALL. I bought it because it was cheap and I have all their other albums (the nerd completist in me...) and because I love Sinead O'Connor and she sings on a couple of tracks. Must go and listen to it tonight.

RADIOHEAD — HAIL TO THE THIEF
There may be a pattern emerging here... I have all their other albums, I've only listened to this a couple of times blah blah di blah. It doesn't really matter. I remember with Suede albums, I'd only really get into one when the next one came out. When Coming Up came out I was so so SO disappointed in it, I just wanted Dog Man Star all over again. But when Head Music came out I put on Coming Up and loved it, while thinking Head Music was a stinking pile of crap. Now I quite like Head Music... still not quite "got" A New Morning though (has anyone?!).

THE WHITE STRIPES — ELEPHANT
I think I also said in my earlier (June) post about The Kills how I had to eat my words about the White Stripes. I used to think they were yet another overhyped "The" band, but then I got hooked in by the pounding bassline that isn't a bassline of Seven Nation Army and had to admit that they were actually quite good. Also my favourite uncle likes them and he's the unhypiest person I know. I need to take a break from this album though, it's getting a little too familiar.

YEAH YEAH YEAHS — FEVER TO TELL
I'll have to follow convention here and say that I did find this a bit disappointing after their great debut EP of last year. The song Bang from that EP is one of my favourite songs ever (well, top 50-100 maybe!) and nothing on this matches up to that. However, I need to listen to this a bit more and let it grow on me.

Ok, maybe I'll post again soon and try to pick 10 of the albums I bought this year that I actually did listen to more than a couple of times! Hopefully within a couple of months I'll be getting my own computer and home internet access and this might become something more than dead space.

2003-07-30T11:33:00.000Z

This is so cool! I'm such a sad fantasy geek, but it's really thrilling to be a dragon!

2003-06-02T17:27:00.000Z

NERD UPDATE

Just found this, a very informative article about em dashes and all sorts of other things, including curly quotes. Well worth reading for any blogperson. I'm off to try and digest it now, after digesting some well-earned dinner.

Now all I need to do is find out how to close the gap between a heading and the paragraph it pertains to. If you know, take pity on me and stick it in the comments box — I'm only a learner (did you see that?!).

2003-06-02T16:16:00.000Z

A little heads-up on my recent interests, I think...

WATCHMEN

I just finished reading Alan Moore's comic book series/graphic novel Watchmen, which I've been meaning to read for, oh, years and now finally managed it. It was very, very good, though rather depressing, and I think I may have to read it again to get all the nuances. However, I think I may have built it up in my mind too much and it wasn't quite the comic book perfection I was hoping for - though realistically, I think comic book (or any kind of) perfection is almost by definition unattainable. So Watchmen will do me fine for now, although next I think I will have to tackle From Hell...

NEW CDs

A certain music megastore had a "5 for £30" offer on the other week, and even though I'm not supposed to be spending any money, I cracked!

Depeche Mode - Black Celebration

Depeche Mode - Music for the Masses
These were the only two DM albums (apart from the singles collections, which I already have) in the offer, unfortunately. I didn't realise until I listened to the album versions how much the stuff on the singles collections was remastered/rejigged, although I probably should have realised that '80s production wasn't that good! Still, once I got used to the slightly muffled sound I found a lot to enjoy. Knowing my luck, DM will announce the imminent release of remastered CD versions of all their albums and I'll have to buy them again!

Mary J Blige - No More Drama
I've been meaning to get this for ages and ages, but a girl only has so much money. I read recently that your rent or mortgage should, in an ideal world, be about a third of your income (yeah, right - these people obviously don't live in London!) - do you think a similar proportion could possibly be acceptable for CD expenditure?! Anyway, back to Mary J, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the non-single tracks weren't just filler, and the whole album is (more or or less) a good listen. Definitely recommended for the summer (yeah, I know for everyone else it was summer 2001, but I'm often slightly behind the times).

Mos Def - Black On Both Sides
I'm even more behind on this one - only 4 years! I have a poorly dubbed tape copy, and I think I was trying to be cool and waiting till I could afford to get it on vinyl, but I'm no longer trying to impress a certain set of people... So, having not listened to the tape for ages (I no longer own a tape recorder!) I was blown away by how magnificent this sounded on a decent stereo. The production is the creme de la creme of late '90s independent hip hop (although don't get me on to just how independent Rawkus is/was not - a topic for another post, I think), the samples are well chosen, the rapping is great... definitely one of my favourite hip hop albums.

The Kills - Keep On Your Mean Side
I'd read about this band ages ago in Punk Planet, and heard their name about a bit recently, but I hadn't investigated any further due to my reluctance about the hype surrounding the many-headed Strokes/Hives/Datsuns/Vines/etc phenomenon. I had to eat my unfounded anti-White Stripes prejudice after actually listening to their latest album, and as The Kills' album was produced in the same studio (and because it was so cheap!) I decided to give it a go.
Well, the production does sound exactly the same as that on the White Stripes' Elephant, but I like it, so that's ok. The band is made up of a Brit guy called Hotel and an American girl called VV, and they take turns with the vocals, although I think VV sings more. It all sounds a bit PJ Harveyish, which is a good thing - I'm a big fan of PJ Harvey - but I've noticed how a lot of bands like this sound very similar to how PJ Harvey sounded 10 years ago, and I don't think she's got the credit she deserves for being so ahead of her time. When I heard her first couple of albums, they were like nothing I'd ever heard before (and ok, I was only a young 'un).
I guess bands like The Kills and so on are working from the same influences (blues/country/punk/etc) as PJ and not necessarily influenced by her specifically, but one reason why I think she (PJ) is so good is that she manages to transcend her influences and create something new and worth listening to, which is something that a lot of these new-fangled "The"-bands don't manage and is why I'd rather go and drool over my Stooges albums any day! I do think this Kills album is worth listening to, but I haven't listened to it enough times to decide whether it's classic. Definitely has potential.

NERD NOTE

In the unlikely event that anyone reading this knows or cares how to type an em dash on a PC in a way that won't scramble when looked at in other browsers/OSs/whatever, please tell me how, in the comments box! Thanks: away from the comfort of a Mac I am lost!

2003-05-21T15:44:00.000Z

Time for a new obsession, I think. And this is it. Only the music so far; I think I've given up on obsessing over the actual people in bands (but never say never). By the way, this is all the Sith Academy's fault...

2003-05-13T12:55:00.000Z

Random thoughts. That's what a blog is for, isn't it?

Anyway, I was thinking about my penchant for strict, sarcastic authority figures who melt only for a chosen few, and then only on very special occasions. I don't mean specifically a sexual penchant, by the way (although that's probably true as well, and is the reason I fancy this) but most of the teachers I actually respected at school were of that type. It was the fact that if they praised you or shared a joke with you, it actually meant you had earned it; it was special.

2003-04-28T13:34:00.000Z

Ug. Not being very good at updating this thing, am I? Perhaps if I knew anyone was actually reading it... but then I think that's actually more disturbing, so I won't think about it.

I'm feeling rather odd, very tired and a bit light headed. I would have thought I'd be starving, or at least need the energy of food but my appetite seems to have disappeared as well. Does anyone else ever get the feeling that all the food you eat is really plastic and cardboard? No, just me then. Seriously though, I know I'm not eating particularly healthily at the moment, but even the odd bit of fruit and vegetables I manage to get down seems really tasteless and artificial and not as if it's doing me any good. Is this psychological, or do I need to "go organic"?!

I guess I just can't be bothered to look after myself properly at the moment. Living in a flat with my ex, even though it's only for a short while longer and even though we still get on fine on a day to day basis... well, I don't know. It just seems like living in the past and that I can't really move on and start living for me until I've finally moved out.

Why am I so pathetic as to be ruled by these things? Answers on a postcard... or in a comments box!

2003-04-06T17:45:00.000Z

So, I never thought I'd have something so dramatic for my first proper post: I'm splitting up with my boyfriend of two years. Luckily it's "amicable" and therefore slightly less soul shredding (but not much). Still, I know we're doing the right thing. It had got to the point where I felt (and I'm pretty sure he feels this way too) that I had no life left and that I couldn't do some of the things I wanted to do because they didn't fit with the masterplan of cosy coupledom. I don't want to look back when I'm old and realise that I didn't even try to do those things.

We live together, so it's going to be a bit of an undertaking... demerging the CD collection alone should take some time! As well as the annoying situation that there are loads of things that I want and never bought as he already had them and I thought we were always gonna "be tugevahhh". Young love, eh. (Not just little things either, like Black Sabbath albums or Kubrick DVDs. We're talking stereo, widescreen TV, the computer I'm typing this on...) On the upside, I can finally have things exactly as I want them (go control freak me!).

At least we still get on with each other. Our lease runs out in a couple of months so we can leave it till then to go our separate ways. I hope it's not overly idealistic of me to think we can keep in touch (after an initial period of cold turkey, of course). My plan is to scour the web/papers for a room in a shared flat/house. Strangely enough I'd prefer to live with people I've never met before - it makes it feel more like a fresh start. I could try to move in with friends (as we're mostly recent graduates our leases run out at similar times and no doubt there'll be reshuffling), but I'm really not up for that at the moment. I've lived with most of them before, so let's just say I've grown to know and *love* some of their ways (and vice versa, I'm sure - I'm not exactly the easiest person to live with). Plus the fact that many of them weren't exactly enamoured of my boyfriend, at least not at first, and if they make any comments with even the slightest whiff of "I told you so..." they'll get a smack in the mouth. That's why I'm not telling any of them about the break-up just yet, maybe nearer to when I move somewhere new. I'll be feeling less fragile then, and more likely to accept their words of *wisdom* with equanimity.

Having slight manic-depressive tendencies (don't worry - I said *slight*) means my emotions are always on a bit of a rollercoaster, but in the three days since we decided to split I've run the whole bloody gamut. First devastated, then calm and relieved, then excited about the future, then sad and nostalgic, then... actually, I think I'm still inhabiting sad and nostalgic. I did something rather stupid the other night - settled down, on my own, with cheap wine to watch two of the most emotionally harrowing episodes of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (yes, why, exactly?) and ended up bawling like an eejit (for fellow Buffy freaks, it was Surprise/Innocence from Season 2... so now you know exactly how foolish it was to go there!).

In an attempt to get back to "excited about the future", I made a list of stuff I want to do over the next year, and as blogging and lists are almost synonymous, here goes:

Learn to drive.
Find an Italian evening class so I can learn it with actual real live other people.
Open savings account (heh! I can dream...).
Travel somewhere non-English speaking (likely to be Italy, so I can practise - aren't I good).
Get fit and toned (heh! x100 - I am the laziest slob in the Greater London area).
Sort out eating habits (will be so much easier when I don't have to take soon-to-be-ex's bizarro food preferences into account... says the naive bit of my brain).
Get rid of shite old studenty clothes and acquire "new look" (have already started winnowing wardrobe... however "new look" on present budget will probably literally be "New Look").
Learn more about HTML so I can customise my blog (I mean, just look at it).
Work hard at training course so I can go on to earn loads of money (training to be a court reporter/verbatim reporter. No one I have met outside of work knows what that is... watch this space for an explanation).
Try to write something sustained instead of just pissing about (I have several ideas, fiction and non-fiction, but no follow-through, so far).

There's more than that, but ten is a nice round number, and I'm hungry now.

2003-03-27T12:58:00.000Z

First post: testing, testing 1, 2, 3....